Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Pit

Once you become aware of its existence, you notice it. You walk over to it and peek over the edge, contemplate the great darkness, the neverendingness, the helplessness... and it sucks you in. The Pit of Despair. Black and neverending. You fall, flailing flailing... you become aware that nothing you do, especially not with your limbs, can stop your descent... your efforts merely seem to speed it up. Your mind is useless because you cannot think of any course of action to be taken, any way out of this situation... it just makes matters worse. How did you get here? What did you do to deserve this? Didn't you do your best? Somehow, contemplating the bottom is too hard, and contemplating the reasons/solutions too futile, so you are left wallowing in the emptiness and darkness of it... Your eyes get accustomed and used to the darkness/despair, you become aware of faces along the walls of the pit... they seem to be laughing at you, they look forward to your demise, they relish it... but this is just paranoia... it gives way to a realisation that there are people there wanting to help you, to reach out to you... a momentary flicker of hope... that is extinguished when you realise that no one can really help you because no one ever really understands or can understand your particular predicament... the faces blend together and, as you fall, merge back into blackness... somehow... you come to an uneasy peace with the fact that you are falling... you almost get used to the sensation of unstoppable gravitational pull... your mind starts to wander... you close your eyes... you open them and realise you are back where you started... you can enjoy life again, nature, your surroundings... or can you? there's something at the back of your mind... nagging, something pulling... oh you remember... its still there, it never went away... its the Pit.